CHRIST'S HANDS ACROSS THE INTERNET Where christians come to share, pray and study. CHRISTMAS DILEMMAS The ASPCA, PETA & the FAA have united over unlicensed flying of reindeer at high speeds. Weight Watchers members will be putting out diet candy and skim milk. Elves are threatening strikes if they have to make all the toys AND those Keebler Cookies that Santa gets to eat. Chamber of Commerces the world over are considering starting Christmas promotions in July. They say October is too late! Santa has changed greeting to "Ha! Ha! Ha! Merry Christmas" due to pressure from the Ebonics Society and Las Vegas. Santa's Naughty list is getting very long. Coal in short supply. Jesus is moving His birthday to September 19th since everyone seems to forget He is the reason for the holiday! Atheists declared that giving of gifts is religious and will no longer endorse the practice for others. (Of course piling up personal toys is highly encouraged.) Mormons celebrate Christmas in anticipation of when they will be Gods and get their own holiday! Unitarians ask, "What's Christmas?" ON THE OTHER HAND: The Dairymen's Association praised the tradition of keeping Santa healthy by leaving out milk and are encourgaging the public to understand what good pets cows make. Big and Tall is still trying to contact Santa to be a personal spokeman for the company. America West is negotiating with Santa to use reindeer for flights in off season as there are less maintenance concerns and delays If you time it right, you can watch "Miracle on 34th St" and "It's a Wonderful Life," eight times this month! Rosie O'Donnell is tres chic this time of year. (Ya gotta love that girl!) *** ALL INFORMATION ABOVE IS FICTITIOUS AND FOR HUMOR ONLY. **** AND IN CASE YOU FORGOT: Luke 1: 1-14 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone went to his own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." ALL MATERIAL IS PROPERTY OF CHAIN UNLESS OTHERWISE CREDITED AND NOT TO BE USED WITHOUT PERMISSION Back to the Top